Loving the Enemy

“Hate cannot drive out hate, only love can do that.” – Martin Luther King, Jr.

Without question, there is a lot of hate in our world. It has escaped the American shadow and is now running things. As we resist the devastation this causes, such as the rise of fascism and oligarchy, we need to continually remind ourselves that responding to hate with hate is not the answer, but it starts a cycle of hate that can last a lifetime. Jesus knew that heaping hate upon hate wasn’t the answer to our problems. Instead, he tells us to love our enemies.¹

Photo by Madalyn Cox on Unsplash

But how do we love someone who wishes us harm, is actively harming us, or supports the harm being done? Sometimes we might have to cut someone out of our lives for our health and safety, but often we just want to avoid conflict and take what feels like the easy path, putting up walls between us and them. And even if that might be best, it might not always be possible.

The first step in learning to love the enemy is remembering what love is and is not. Love isn’t warm fuzzy feelings. It’s an action. It’s caring about someone’s welfare. Acting in their best interest. Honoring and respecting their inherent worth and dignity as a human being. But, love is not submitting to abuse. It’s not agreeing with someone or accepting or excusing their actions as appropriate when they aren’t.

In the biblical story of Joseph, who was sold into slavery by his brothers, Joseph excuses his brothers by saying it was God’s plan.² For some people the idea that suffering is a part of some divine plan might be comforting and a way to see purpose in tragedy. But chalking evil up to “God’s plan” is easily mis-used to justify evil. People once claimed it wasok to have slaves because it was God’s plan. Today people say it’s ok to scapegoat immigrants or attack transgender people. Trump and his fascist oligarchy is all right too. It’s all part of God’s plan. Except that it isn’t.

I do not accept that the God who is love desires horrible things to happen to us. Nothing that harms comes from God, but from our own hate and selfishness. However, when horrible things do happen, God helps us find a way through it. God didn’t want Joseph to be sold into slavery, but once it happened, God helped him find his way through that tragic injustice.

In her book “I know We’re All Welcome at the Table, But Do I Have to Sit Next to You?,” Rev. Janice Springer offers a prayer for learning to love our enemies: “O God, bless them. Change me.” We want to pray “Bless me. Change them.” Bless me because I’m right. Change them because they’re wrong. But what if we let compassion and empathy guide us and worked on changing the only thing we have the power to change? Ourselves. Bless them, change me.

Rev. Springer shares three blessings she believes will help us love our enemies. None of these blessings require we approve of someone trying to hurt us or that we allow them to mistreat and take advantage of us.

• Bless the enemy by praying for their well-being. As Jesus says, bless those who curse us and pray for those who mistreat us. Don’t pray for them to be just like us, but pray for their well-being without conditions.

• Bless the enemy by feeling their pain. Empathize. Try to feel what they’re feeling so we might understand.

• Bless the enemy by cherishing their story. Listen to and honor what has brought them to this moment.

Rev. Springer also offers three changes that can help us love our enemies.

• Be vulnerable. Don’t put ourselves in unsafe situations, but set aside arrogance and self-righteousness. Let our defenses down as much as possible, not jumping to defend and justify ourselves.

• Refuse to diminish other people. When we demonize others it makes it easier to dismiss them. We can and should stand up against harmful words and actions, but when we starting calling each other names or making fun of someone, that’s an attempt to make them less human.

• Talk from feelings and experiences and not opinions and belief systems. We might think of this as answering “why.” For example, we might say, “I’m worried that if we let more immigrants into the country it would affect jobs and change our culture” rather than “I feel we shouldn’t allow more immigrants.”

Loving our enemies doesn’t mean denying truth or accepting injustice, tyranny, and abuse. Or forgetting to love the people that are being harmed and refusing to stand up for the oppressed. Jesus tells us not to judge, but he also calls his opponents vipers and hypocrites.³ Jesus wants us to be united but also says his teachings will tear families apart.⁴ Maybe love is also using our prophetic voices and telling truth to power even if it upsets people. Jesus teaches us to love our enemies but he also died fighting for the poor and marginalized rather than give in to injustice and oppression.

To love our enemy is to respect the inherent worth and dignity of the people doing us harm. Perhaps what it all comes down to is the golden rule: Do to others what you would have them do to you.⁵ It’s no coincidence that all of humanity’s major religions teach some version of this rule. It’s that basic to God’s desire for us to be people in loving, supportive relationship. We can’t always control those who do and say hurtful things. But we can control what we do and how we respond. We don’t need to accept harm but we can interrupt that harm from becoming a cycle of hate by being models of loving action for others, treating them the way we expect to be treated. It shows the world that hate and revenge aren’t the only options when we’ve been harmed or mistreated.⁶

1. Luke 6:27-28

2. Genesis 45:4-8

3. Luke 6:37 vs. Matthew 23:29-33

4. John 17:11 vs. Luke 12:51-53

5. Matthew 7:12, Luke 6:31

6. https://www.thehopeline.com/how-to-respond-to-hate-with-love/